When will it end!?!

I am so sick and tired of....being sick!

I have been home since Thursday with fever, congestion, coughing, chills. I paid another ridiculous amount of money for a doctor to tell me I have an upper respiratory infection. I paid money for more antibiotics. Oh well...I should be thankful for insurance and medicine and the wisdom of doctors. I'll keep telling myself...maybe I'll have a more grateful spirit soon.

There have so many great things happening at our house. Some of the things have come through great trial but in the long run, those will and have become the biggest life lessons. The Lord is doing a BIG work in our lives. Many life-less branches are being pruned from our hearts and the Refiner's fire is purifying our hearts and minds. It's not fun...but so worth it knowing that He loves us so much that He would take the time to work in our hearts.

I am working on the right time to share some of what has been going on in our lives. I will say that Sean and I have had an extremely difficult season in our marriage. There have been some very wonderful days and there have been days when I didn't think we would still be together. I'm not proud to say that but I'm working on being transparent. This past weekend was one of the low points. I'm not ready to share all the gory details (maybe not ever) but I can share one thing that I learned. We were given some very wise words by my parents on Saturday. One of the words that was used was "expectations". Have our expectations for our spouse not been met and thus cause hard, hurtful feelings? I was ready to shout out a loud "AMEN"! I was ready to write out my list when the Lord spoke straight into my heart and I had to put the pen down.

"Lendy...do you know what I expect of you?"

Ouch.

Please don't ask me that, Lord. I'm not the one with the problem. He's the one with the problems. I'm the one who's been holding everything together for years.

"I understand....but....do you know what I expect of you?"

Yes...and no. I'll get back to you.

There it is again...the pure, piercing Refiner's fire. I cannot expect Sean to meet or better yet, TRY to meet my expectations if I'm not doing what is asked of me by my Heavenly Father.

I picked up my pen again but this time the title was different...What does my Father expect of me?