"Have you lost your joy?"...

I hope I'm not the only one who has experienced what I am dealing with right now.  I was "hit" with a question yesterday that I cannot stop thinking about.  Someone who has known me for a very long time emailed me and asked me a very interesting question.  This person said that they had been following me on facebook for over a year.  Based on my status postings, this person asked me...."Have you lost your joy?"

Excuse me?

My immediate reaction was to email right back and tell this person exactly what I thought of their question.  I spent the next few minutes constructing this email in my mind.  I was ready to say that I had not lost my joy in any shape or form.  If this person had lived through what I have lived through, they might have some days that are a little less "joy-filled" than others.  My life for the past year has been crazy.  I came extremely close to being divorced and a single mother.  I sat at a table and listened to a school psychologist tell me that my child has emotional needs and we signed papers admitting him into Special Education.  I sat a table with my father and revealed the entire financial pit that had consumed my family.  If anyone has a right to not be filled with joy at every single minute, it's ME!  As soon as this email was written in my mind, the Holy Spirit spoke.  Sometimes God speaks in a way that is like a thunderstorm.  Most of the time, He speaks to me through a very gentle nudging.  The words of James came to mind and I knew that I had to take the time and really meditate on this person's question.

"Consider it pure joy, my brothers whenever you face trials of many kind, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance.  Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything" (James 1:2-4)

Ouch.

As much as my sinful nature would love to tell this person exactly what I think of their question, I can't shake the feeling that this is something I need to look at in myself.  Have I lost my joy?  Do I walk around defeated and negative or do I walk around as a living testimony to the joy that comes from the Lord?  Am I allowing the trials of the past few years to build perseverance in me?  Is my faith growing so that I can be the woman that God intends me to be? 

If I am truly honest, I much say no.  It is much easier to walk around and grumble about life.  It is hard work being a testimony to the "peace that passes all understanding" (Phil. 4:7)  Having been raised in church, I learned all the churchy things to say a long time ago.  It's easy to throw the words around and say with a cheesy grin that I can live through anything because God's peace is all I need.  It's an entirely different thing to really live it.  But there's still even more to it than that.  It's not just about being a happy person with a pasted on smile.  It's more than just saying the right words at the right time.  It's really about what Paul wrote in verse 6.  "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  As a teacher, I am always looking for ways to help my students make connections.  We talk about "if...then" statements.  If  "A" happens, then "B" will happen.  It's easy to look at these two verses and try to apply the "if...then" statement.  If I am anxious about nothing, then the peace of God will guard my heart.  But that would be wrong.  God did not give this word to Paul in a way of a suggestion.  This is not God saying "do it if you feel like" or "claim it when it's only convient to you."

This was a command.  When I back up and read verses 4 and 5, there is even more evidence of how I am to live.  "Rejoice in the Lord always.  I will say it again: Rejoice!  Let your gentleness be evident to all.The Lord is near." (Phil. 4:4-5)  Wow!  My heart is racing right now.  I hope I can say this the way it is running through my mind.  I am seeing that being joyful is directly related to the condition of my heart.  When Paul says to rejoice it is connected to a spirit of gentleness.  The words that come from my mouth are a reflection of what is in my heart.  Am I living in a way that shows everyone around me that I live by the Spirit?  Paul spoke of this in Galatians.  He writes in chapter 5 verse 22 that gentleness is a fruit of the Spirit.  He then goes on to say in verse 24-25 "Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Since we live by the Spirit, let us keep in step with the Spirit."

So...to answer the question from this person...yes, I have been living my life in a way that shows the world a spirit of defeat.  I have not used these difficult opportunities as a means to testify to the peace that comes only from my Lord.  The condition of my heart has not been one of gentleness.  I have not presented all my requests to the Lord with thanksgiving and received His peace. 

If I could talk to this friend, I say "thank you".  Thank you for being willing to confront and ask the hard questions.  Today I thank my God for you and I will walk with joy!