"Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall..."

"...Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.  All the king's horses and all the king's men

couldn't put Humpty together again."

This sweet rhyme that we all learn as children is a perfect word picture of how I have felt over the past few months.  I find myself wondering where do I start...
Since the last time I sat down at the computer to put words to my thoughts it was the middle of May and I was trying to finish another school year.  My focus was on my children and trying to finish the year with a smile.  I was going through my days with a smile plastered to my face but my insides were dying.  I knew the words to say, the way to say it and the laughter to hide what was happening in my heart.  To say that my heart was broken and my spirit was dry was like saying the Sahara Desert is a little hot.  There was dry, cracked ground in the deepest parts of me where there should have been streams of joy.  What was the cause behind the facade?  So many things...anger, depression, resentment, spirit of bitterness...etc.  Who were things feelings directed to?  My husband...God...me. Why was life this way?  The answer is simple.  The past 12 months of my life and marriage have been a living hell.  We have experienced extreme financial difficulties, mountains of expectations not voiced therefore not met, 2 different seasons of marital separation which led to filing for divorce. Yes...you read that correctly...divorce papers were filed.  The level of anger and frustration that plagued my house had been a cancer.  It had eaten away at our ability to communicate and meet in the middle.  There were so many hurt feelings that anytime we sat down to try and communicate, nothing would come out right and there would be more hurt.  After so many years of going around and around, there was nothing left but to say that our marriage was over. 

"Humpty Dumpty had a great fall..."

My life had fallen off the wall, or rather pedestal that I had placed it on and the fall was long and damaging.  When I looked at myself in the mirror all I saw was failure, hurt and disappointment.  I felt like I had failed my family, my children and myself.  I was hurting from seeing the state of my marriage.  I felt like I had disappointed everyone around me.  The lies of Satan are a powerful thing.

"...and all the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty together again..."

I don't have the right words right now to say how things changed but they did.  All I know is that the Holy Spirit is very real and very active.  When God's people pray, things happen.  What I can say is that my family is still together.  There will be NO divorce and my marriage is healing.  I can stand firm declaring that God is at work in my family and He is receiving the honor and glory for it.  Have all our "problems" been solved?  No.  Will they be solved...yes, in God's time.  His Word is true and it is full of hope.  I don't know why God allowed this season but I know that He is the One putting me back together again.  When I read His Word I see the hope and love that He has for me in a fresh light.  There is new joy and love for my husband. 

I don't know what tomorrow will bring but I know that I will be able to stand and say that I am loved by a mighty and great God.  My King is putting me back together again.

I pray that out of his glorious riches He may strengthen you with power through His Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge-that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.  Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:16-20